Why You Shouldn’t Be Grateful
Whaaaa—? You’re telling me not to be grateful?!
Yes, I am . . . but not really . . .
I’m splitting hairs about the definition of a word—but wait until the end. Hear me out.
A common theme in many spiritual belief systems, an “attitude of gratitude” is certainly a good thing. It’s better to count your blessings, isn’t it? Better to be positive, right? Yes, it is, but there is a small clarification I would like to make. Using Dictionary.com, here is what “gratitude” means:
gratitude /ˈɡrætɪˌtjuːd/ noun. 1. the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful; a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for gifts or favours
Now look at what “thankful” means:
thankful /ˈθæŋkfʊl/ adjective. 1. feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative
While one definition is a noun and the other is an adjective, work with me on this. You might be thinking, “They’re synonymous. Each definition includes the other, right?” Yes, but I want to call your attention to one minor difference: gratitude includes the part about “as for gifts or favors,” whereas thankful is simply the expression itself.
On one hand, consider gratitude as meaning you are beholden to another, indebted to a person or to God. Grateful indicates a warm or deep appreciation of personal kindness shown to you. You are grateful for favors as if you are undeserving of such favors.
On the other hand, consider thankfulness as an expression of love for something or someone—period. You are thankful for the comfort of your bed, that the sun is shining, for the general situation at hand.
The distinction I want to point out is the attitude and position you’re coming from when you express gratitude versus thankfulness.
Consider the position the boys of the workhouse in Oliver Twist were in: awful conditions, no love, very little food. “Please, sir, can I have some more?” If any of the boys actually got a tiny bit more to eat, they would be so grateful because it would be an incredible gift to have anything above a morsel.
The absurdity that Charles Dickens was pointing out is what horrifies us: those conditions were so deplorable, the boys were starving (in a very real sense). No one should be treated like that. No human should be considered garbage or lowly by another. Why should a child be “grateful” for receiving something we should all have? Food to sustain us is our right. If one or more people withhold food, they abuse a larger group and thereby control them.
If you’ve ever been scolded as a child by an adult with the gratitude card (“You should be so grateful!“), you know what I mean. Think back on it. How did it make you feel? Like you were a lowly, unworthy worm? Is that how we’re supposed to feel about God? Are we actually supposed to believe that the Creator is tossing crumbs to us, even though we don’t deserve it? Do you throw scraps of your meals to your children and yell at them to be grateful for the fact you gave them anything? If God is that condescending, why did God make us in the first place?
I don’t believe it. Not anymore.
I believe we are deserving of every good and perfect thing. I believe you are worthy of love. I believe you are valuable. I believe you matter. I believe you are a beautiful creation. Therefore, the sunshine is for you. A loving touch from another human is for you. The laughter that wells up within you from seeing others laugh uncontrollably is your birthright—it is a contagious condition that happens naturally. The feeling you get inside when you see baby animals play with each other? That’s for you because you deserve to smile, to feel love, to have that sense of belonging.
Think about the disposition of someone who is not thankful for anything around them. Are they arrogant, rude, and mean? They sure are. (If you think they’re only that way on a small scale, it means they’re hiding it well.)
Now think about a person who is thankful for everything around them. They cannot help but be pleasant, content, and mindful.
One of the most important lessons we can learn is to live in a constant state of thankfulness. For me, when I started to count my blessings whenever I felt anger or self-pity, my mood lifted. My disposition changed. My spirit feels lighter. I’m certainly not perfect, so sometimes I really have to work at it; however, as the years go on and I continue to practice thankfulness, I spend less and less time being negative. Believe me, I was once a smoldering ball of inner rage. I was angry at so many things, particularly if someone or something even hinted at my unworthiness.
That’s not true anymore. If this practice can change my life, it can change yours. So don’t grovel in gratitude; thrive in thankfulness.
I love you and I thank you. Namasté.